Jason's Regrets
by JasonLIzchemrocks
Summary: I do not own the characters I only borrow them to tell a story that GH should be telling.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N I'd love to fix Jason Morgan and my choice of how to do it would be the following. All is not as it seems please to continue to read through the Epilogue that follows before sending me hate mail. LOL. This story attempts to tell what happened after Lucky decided to pose as Ronan OReilly. _

Chapter One

For Jason, sleep was a blessed relief, full of love and possibilities. But then would come that moment when his dream filled sleep faded to wakefulness and the reality of his life hit him like a freight train. Then his eyes would open to daylight and that certain unrelenting grief and loneliness that were now his constant companions.

Whoever said that time heals all wounds was a fuckwit as far as Jason was concerned. Nothing healed his pain or eased his regret. Not time, not "work", and the idea of sex with someone else left him all but impotent. NOTHING worked! So he'd given it all up and concentrated on loving and being a constant presence in his children's lives. For a man who wasn't supposed to be able to dream, his dream filled nights were the only respite from the grief he lived with. In his dreams Elizabeth was young, healthy, beautiful, and they were together. But best of all, in his dreams she was alive.

It was 8 years since Elizabeth had died in Jason arms. Eight, long years of loving and missing her. Eight long years of regretting the time they had been apart. Eight years! That was longer than they had been married. He had finally woken up and realized, with relief, that Elizabeth and her children were safer with him than away from him. When Lucky had decided being a cop wasn't  
>"Spencer" enough for him and had been recruited by Interpol to help find the Balkan, he had without foresight put Elizabeth and her children in the line of fire. It was obvious to Jason that Elizabeth and the boys were not a priority for Lucky or Nikolas. So he'd assigned men to watch her, without her or Lucky's knowledge. It was a smart move too, because The Balkan had attempted to kidnap Elizabeth as leverage against Lucky, but Jason had been warned and was able to save her. Lucky's excuses and defence that he had protected Elizabeth and the boys as best he could completely disgusted Jason and left Elizabeth disillusioned. So Jason, much to Sonny's relief and Brenda's bemusement, had stepped up and claimed first Jake, as his son, and then placed Elizabeth, Cameron and Aiden under his protection. Brenda was stunned that Jason had such good taste in women. She was convinced he could only be attracted to tramps and trash, but Elizabeth was a breath of fresh and the two became friends. Once Jake's paternity was known and the true relationship between Jason and Elizabeth was revealed, it had been virtually impossible for Jason to hide his feelings for Elizabeth, and she for him. It seemed everyone was on Jason and Elizabeth's side and even Sam had seen the writing on the wall before Jason finally broken up with her. Her scathing and bitter parting comment "have your precious little Elizabeth and your dream family, see if it lasts" had not dampened Jason's happiness. From there it had been a small step to claiming Elizabeth publicly as the woman he loved and wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He'd initially felt guilty about using Sam for so long, but then she'd joined forces with The Balkan. Once the Balkan had realized Sam was of absolutely no use to him he'd had her killed. By that stage, Jason had lost all tolerance for anything to do with Sam and hadn't even pretended to feel bad at her death. Elizabeth of course had felt bad for Alexis and her daughters, but Jason would hear none of it. In his mind Sam was her own worst enemy and it was her own fault she was dead. She could have gone on with her own life but she chose to join forces with their enemy and make herself a threat against Elizabeth. From that point, Sam was living on borrowed time, The Balkan had just saved Jason a bullet.<p>

Jason and Elizabeth married on Valentine's Day 2011. The first year of marriage was a difficult one for them. Not because of their relationship but because of the things that happened around them. Elizabeth had lost Aiden in strange circumstances. Franco had resurfaced with a video message sent to Jason and Elizabeth. It was filled with devastating and confusing information. He'd informed Elizabeth of the death her son, the one that he'd swapped with Aiden at the hospital, explaining that he needed Aiden back because his real parents were not coping. He gave details of where the body could be claimed and proof that the child was Elizabeth's. No one understood it, but Jason and Elizabeth needed answers. The "child" Franco had mentioned and his grieving "parents", Joshua and Megan Tate were found with Spinelli's help. DNA testing on Aiden and "Christopher" proved that Aiden was not Elizabeth's child, the dead baby was her biological child. Further testing proved that Nikolas was not the biological father, but Lucky was. Nikolas had confronted Helena with the information and she had confessed to the forged paternity tests, but swore she had no hand in helping Franco swap the babies. Franco had found out Dr Kelly Lee had been committing "mercy" killings in the hospital and used the information to blackmail her into swapping the babies. She had confessed to everything as she was arrested. Throughout the ordeal Jason remained Elizabeth's rock as she finally learned and accepted the truth.

A custody battle began. Elizabeth and Jason were determined to keep Aiden and raise him. Everything was going well for Jason and Elizabeth to retain custody of Aiden, until Megan Tate had given testimony about how she had felt being told her full term, caesarean delivered baby son was gravely ill. How she visited him daily in the hospital and prayed for a miracle but her "son" died in her arms few weeks later. What the grief had done to her and her husband and how they had decided to have no more children because of the circumstances of Christopher's life and death. Only now to find out she had been robbed of two children through no fault of her own or Elizabeth's. How she had great respect and empathy for Elizabeth and how thankful she was that Aiden had been loved so much. Elizabeth's heart had broken as she realized the woman was talking about her son, hers and Lucky's. It had broken again later when she'd asked to see and speak to the woman alone.

The result of that meeting was Elizabeth and Jason dropped the custody claim and handed Aiden over to his biological parents. Secretly, a concerned Edward Quartermaine had been watching and waiting for his chance interfere. He had checked into the background of Aiden's parents because he feared the worst and he'd wanted to do something for Elizabeth, who he'd always had a soft spot for. So he'd offered Joshua a job within ELQ with great benefits and prospects and he'd bought a house for his "almost great grandson". All of which the couple accepted. It was a bad few months, tempered with relief that Aiden was not completely taken from them. Jason and Elizabeth became friends with the couple and their first Christmas as a married couple was spent with the Quartermaines, Aiden and his biological parents. Christmas 2011 had threatened to be a sad one for Jason and Elizabeth, but thanks to Edward's interference and Elizabeth's gift to Jason it had been the best Christmas either had experienced since the year Jason and Elizabeth spent in her studio. Christmas Eve Elizabeth had handed Jason the home pregnancy test that indicated she was pregnant. Elizabeth gave birth to their daughter Lila Emily Rose on August 27th 2012, the anniversary of the night Jason saved Elizabeth from the drunk at Jakes. It made her all the more special in their eyes and she was known to everyone as Lil Rose.

During the next five years Jason and Elizabeth lived and loved to extremes. Their love for each other and their family was their priority. Friends, work and all kinds of outside influences came last. As an anniversary present to Elizabeth and his children Jason had purchased the old abandoned estate on the Road to Nowhere in order to build his family a home. He gave the Penthouse to Spinelli and built an eight bedroom, five bathroom house on the estate for his family. The house included an office and gymnasium for Jason, an art studio for Elizabeth, games room with a pool table, a family room and plenty of room to entertain if and when Elizabeth wanted. They had a pool for the children and enough room for Lil Rose's pony Giggles, bought to celebrate her birth. As over the top as Elizabeth thought it, Jason had wanted his little girl to have her own pony, even if it would be years before she could ride her. Cameron and Jake asked for a dog when the pony arrived, so the day after two long haired German shepherd puppies arrived for the boys. There was also a pond that froze over in winter that meant Elizabeth could teach her children and husband how to ice skate. Security was constantly updated and the basement was built in such a way that it could be converted to a panic room if the need arose. Just in case.

They had five blissful years of togetherness until a few months after Lil Rose's 5th birthday, when Elizabeth fell ill. She became short of breath often and lost weight she could ill afford to lose. Steven and Jason demanded tests, and they showed damage to her lungs from her exposure to the toxic fumes she'd inhaled years before. A spore had lain dormant in her lung and bout of influenza that had gone through the Morgan family had awakened the spore. It was terminal, there was nothing to be done but make Elizabeth comfortable. For all his strength and love Jason could not save her this time. Telling their children had been one of the hardest things he'd ever done. Watching his children digest and accept the news had left Jason reeling that he couldn't make things right for them. Cameron tried to be brave and protect his brother and sister, promising to help his mother and father as best he could. Jake had looked uncertain for a moment, remembering Lucky and Nikolas's disappearance from their lives, had looked to Jason for the reassurance that he was desperate to give. "I'll always be here for you, Jake" Jason told him. But it was Lil Rose's reaction that had broken Jason's heart. His daughter, with all the confidence in the world for her adored father had patted and kissed her mother's hand and turned trusting eyes to her father "it's alright mommy, daddy will make you feel better, he always does". Elizabeth and Jason spent a lot of time after that helping their children make peace with what was about to happen. For Jason it had been virtually impossible because nothing about what was happening to them was right for him. But he did it for Elizabeth and his children.

Elizabeth took to her bed three weeks later and then began the talks between Jason and Elizabeth. Elizabeth loved to talk, Jason loved to listen, but he felt compelled to tell her everything before time ran out. How he felt, how he'd always felt, what she meant to him, and how happy she had made him and grateful he was for their children. Steven had warned them that as she got worse and her lungs succumbed to the spore she'd need to go on a ventilator. Elizabeth had been horrified at the idea of being alive but unable to kiss Jason or her children because of a machine or scaring her children because a machine was breathing for her. She'd made Jason and Steve promise not to do that to her, to let her go naturally but as pain free as possible. Those conversations had plagued Jason. He'd felt selfish and argued that at least she would be alive and he could touch her and hold her, but she'd made him promise.

In the aftermath of Aiden's custody battle, and with all that Edward had done for them, Jason grew close to the Quartermaines and when Elizabeth was diagnosed he began to lean and depend on them more. When Steve warned him how close things were, a matter of days, Jason took his children to say goodbye to their mother and watched as his wife did her best to make things right for their children. She promised to be their guardian angel and to always look down on them. She cuddled and kissed them and then smiled as each one left the room. It was true courage and strength, from both Elizabeth and each of the children and Jason felt ashamed at how he'd defined those qualities until that moment.

Then it was time for Elizabeth to say goodbye to Jason. Monica and Edward took the children to stay at the mansion. For the next few days Jason laid next to Elizabeth, talking, reliving their lives together. He held her, stroked the silky pale skin he'd always loved and softly kissed the pillow soft lips that had always fascinated him and agonised over her constant pain. He held nothing back. She told him that she hoped in time he'd find a nice woman to love, she didn't want him to be alone and she told him their daughter would need a mother. He'd refused the request flat out.

"No! It's not going to happen I waited 11 long years to be with you and everyone I tried to replace you with didn't work" he'd told her.

"Well I said a nice woman Jason, Courtney and Sam were not nice women" she'd joked.

He looked at her "No! They weren't YOU. You are the only one. I know that now".

"Jason I don't want you to be alone, you are too young to be alone. I know it won't happen straight away, but I just want you to know that I want you to have love and happiness" Elizabeth assured him.

"Stop it! I have love and happiness. It's you, and it's our kids."

"But when I go" she began, but he interrupted her.

"I'll have the kids. Stop it!" Jason begged emotionally "please just stop".

"Alright I'm sorry." She consoled him. "I don't want to leave you" and then they'd cried together.

In the last few days she slept often, not peacefully, but it was by-product of the pain medication. She was able to self administer pain relief through a drip with a clicker she held. She would try to go pain free to give Jason all the time he needed but it was hard and he could see it.

When the end came she tried to spare him the pain of watching her die. They were lying in bed in each other's arms, she'd ask Jason to leave his t-shirt off, so she could feel his skin and his warmth. She was weak but her fingers fluttered softly over his skin where her hand lay against his chest, feeling his strong heart beat and her breathing was so ragged and filled with pain it made Jason wince.

"Jason?" he heard the agonised gasp escape her lips.

"What's the matter?" he asked in panic moving to look in to her eyes.

She wrinkled her nose "you need to shower" came raspy reply.

He chuckled back at her "I will when you go to sleep"

"I can't sleep, you smell" she'd complained softly. He'd smiled again as he moved her gingerly back to her pillow and got out of the bed. Grabbing a clean pair of boxer briefs he headed for the shower. He soaped his hair and body within seconds of stepping in to the shower and was rinsing the soap out of his hair and from his body when a sixth sense rendered him motionless.

"No!.. please...not yet." he whispered, "I'm not ready".

He jumped from the shower and ran to the door of the ensuite bathroom. Naked he stood and looked across at her. He stood for long minutes, not breathing just watching. Slowly with relief he saw her eyes open and attempt to smile.

"Nice" she mouthed the word admiring the naked dripping body of her husband.

"I'm holding you back aren't I?" he whispered and she acknowledged the truth of that with a half smile.

"You're not ready" she whispered.

"I'll NEVER be ready" he ground out. She closed her eyes for long moments, her breathing, very labored. Jason cringed at her obvious pain.

He moved closer looking down at her, he brushed soft fingertips across her brow.

"You're ready! Aren't you?" he swallowed "You want to go?"

She opened her eyes and he could see the pain in her eyes, quietly he walked back to the bathroom closed the door and then moved to lock their bedroom door. He walked back to the bed and kneeled down next to her, he reached out to pull her close and smiled.

"It's okay Elizabeth, I love you and I want you, but you can let go now"

She raised pleading eyes to his and he realized she no longer had the strength to click the morphine pain relief. Reaching over he clicked the hand held device a few times.

"Enough?" he asked his voice barely a whisper and she closed her eyes slowly to acknowledge it was. He added a few more clicks to ensure the overdose did its work. He waited silently and watched as her pain etched face slowly relaxed, holding her close as she slowly slipped away. Within minutes he'd placed a call to Robin to tell her Elizabeth had died and that she didn't need to come and check on her that evening. He then crawled back up the bed and took Elizabeth in his arms. His grief was a solid and painful thing constricting his chest, leaving him aching and raw.

Within an hour the pounding on the bedroom door had started. Everyone was trying to get in and take Elizabeth away. He sent them all away with threats. He didn't know what to do, how to go on but he knew he couldn't let them take her. When Sonny had threatened to bust the door in, he'd told Sonny to get out of his house or he'd shoot him through the door. No one could console him, and no one could cajole him to open up the door and give them Elizabeth to take care of. That was until they played dirty. A steady knock at the door made Jason growl.

"Go away"

"Dad?" he'd heard the uncertain voice of his son Cameron.

"Son of bitch, Sonny" Jason swore quietly, but couldn't bring himself to answer. Then he heard another knock, softer not as sure.

"Daddy?" he heard the plaintive voice of his daughter through the door and Jason's heart ripped in two. He bolted upright throwing discarded sweats on and rushed the door, pulling it open, careful to shield his children from the sight of their dead mother. There they stood 13 year old Cam looking concerned, 10 year old Jake looking scared and 5 year old Lil Rose looking confused. She stood holding her brother's hands, and shrugged them away to lift her arms up to her father. He swept her up into his arms without hesitation, and then knelt with her in his arms to gather his boys close.

"Come on lets go downstairs"

"Is mum okay?" Jake asked

"Mum's at peace, Jake. Grandma Lila & Grams Audrey, Grandpa Allan & Aunty Emily are all looking after her now" Jason told him.

Jason had taken his children downstairs in to their yard. His eyes were furious but he nodded to Robin and Brenda on the way through, letting them know it was okay to take Elizabeth away. He'd taken his children for a long walk in to the woods, explained to them about their mother and what was going to happen in the future. Hours later he brought them back to the house where Monica and Edward offered to take them back to the mansion, while Jason made the arrangements.

He'd gone up to their room and found their bed empty. How long he stood staring at his empty bed he didn't know. Then on automatic pilot he proceeded to change the sheets and clean the room. He closed the door and arranged to have a new bed delivered the next day. He went to Elizabeth's studio and sat down to look at the last painting she had been working on before she fell ill and he began to make plans. Cameron and Jake's bedrooms were adjacent to each other and across the hall from Elizabeth's studio. Lil Rose's bedroom had a connecting door to Elizabeth's studio. He planned to have the new bed put here in the studio, reasoning that it kept him close and available to his children.

The truth was he couldn't bear to sleep in the room where Elizabeth had died. He never changed the room he shared with Elizabeth though. He never packed away her cloths or moved his in to another room and he continued to use the bathroom. Being unable to change it because he wanted to hold on to the memories but unable to sleep in there because that was where she died. Sometimes he'd sit on their bed, hold her pillow to his face and imagine he could smell the unique scent that was Elizabeth. He held her hair brush and stared at the strands of hair caught in it, wishing he could run his fingers through the silky strands like he used to. It was all pleasure and pain for Jason, but the memories were precious and he refused to let them go and tried his hardest not to let them dim.

Jason found many truths in his life after his wife died. The truth that sleeping in her art studio made him feel close to Elizabeth. Since waking up from his accident Jason had few dreams, but after Elizabeth died he dreamed constantly. His other truth was that he lived for his children, because without a shadow of a doubt Jason knew that he would have laid down beside his dying wife and put a bullet in his own brain rather than live without her, if it weren't for the children she'd given him.

He tried to go back to work for Sonny but in the end was unable. He refused to kill the men Sonny needed him to. In his mind he couldn't take the risk that God did forgive our sins and let the bad men he killed in to heaven where Elizabeth was. His refusal to do what Sonny needed came to a head one day and resulted in Jason leaving the organisation for good.

"Jason man you have to snap out of it. Elizabeth wouldn't want this for you" Sonny pleaded.

"What wouldn't she want Sonny? Would she want me to risk my life every day? Risk leaving our children orphans?" Jason had asked wearily.

"The truth is Jason she understood this business, probably better than either you or I ever gave her credit." Sonny sighed.

"I know and that's why I have to get out" Jason replied. "because even though you don't realize it, the business comes first. You have to consider it because how it works determines how you protect yourself and your family. I don't want to do that anymore, I want to think of my kids first. I don't want to think well maybe I shouldn't let Cam play soccer on Sunday, because maybe the latest threat may target me while I watch or target him as a way to get to me, I don't want to think about protecting my kids and his team mates while they play soccer. I just want to go and watch without thinking, "how do I protect them? Can you understand that? I want out."

"You can never really get out though, someone will always come after you" Sonny reminded him.

"I know and I'm prepared for that. I'll get Diane to dissolve the partnership. I'll stay on in the coffee business if you want or you can buy me out. I have three children who I love and who need me and" he paused "I really need them. I just can't do this for you anymore."

Sonny had rested his chin in his hand, his elbow propped on the desk "I'm used to telling you things, relying on you. You know how this business works"

"We're still friends Sonny, we can still talk to each other. If you need advice or someone to talk things through with, I can do that. I just can't kill for you or make myself a target anymore" Jason told him.

"You sound as tired as I am of it all. Things didn't just change for you, you know. All of us were affected"

Jason felt as if something else was coming, something instinctively he knew he wouldn't like, so he didn't answer.

"I'm worried about you, Brenda and Robin are worried about you. What are you going to do to snap out of it?" Sonny finally asked.

"What?" Jason asked quietly, his temper on a hair trigger.

"It's been six months Jason, it's time to let her go" Sonny had told him forcibly. "Elizabeth wouldn't want you like this"

"Don't tell me what to do. You have no idea what I'm feeling or what I need and you definitely don't get to say what Elizabeth would and wouldn't want. You have no clue about me or Elizabeth. You never did. No one did" Jason had ground out, trying to remember his friend was concerned but deeply resentful he had dared to comment on how Jason handled the death of his wife.

"I'm sorry. SORRY" Sonny muttered. "I want to help, I just don't know how"

Jason inhaled deeply, trying to calm himself. "You can't help me, no one can. I just have to live through it" Jason denied when he felt able to speak.

"I'm scared we'll find you somewhere with a self inflicted bullet to the head" Sonny whispered.

Jason head snapped up. "That won't happen, I have my children."

Sonny held Jason's gaze knowing that the children were all that was stopping Jason, his grief was so intense. "Then thank you God, please keep Cameron, Jake and Lil Rose safe."

That conversation had been revelation for Sonny. Brenda and Robin had been wracking their brains trying to figure out ways to help Jason, now Sonny was able to tell them there was no way to help him. He lived for his kids and that was all he needed.

The dissolution of the Corinthos Morgan partnership left Jason with a large strip of Port Charles waterfront real estate, and many millions of dollars. Jason went in to partnership with Edward to buy more waterfront property and develop it. In the years that followed they had built a world class casino, hotel and marina complex as well as shipping yards, some of which Jason still held in partnership with Sonny. Jason & Edward were proud of their joint waterfront development while Tracy was quietly bemused. On Edward's death five years after Elizabeth's, Jason took his seat on the board of ELQ. He was what Edward always wanted, an heir worthy of taking over ELQ. It was one of the things that amused Jason these days.

Slowly over the years he had brought Sonny in to more legitimate businesses. Sonny's Mob dealings became less and less. Jason had killed men but only in self defence, never on Sonny's orders. For some reason once Jason had announced his retirement people had occasionally come after him to make a name for themselves. For a while it seemed like a badge of honor to be able to bring Jason Morgan down. Eventually though it stopped, although Jason always carried a gun.

For the first few years after Elizabeth's death, Jason would wake up in the new bed in her studio, to feel Lil Rose's little body pressed up against him. He never got tired of her explanation.

"Baby girl are you okay? Did you have a nightmare?" he'd ask as he gathered her close.

"No! Mommy doesn't let me have nightmares. She said to come in and give you a cuddle so you sleep better" she'd explain, snuggling close and falling instantly asleep. Comforted he'd close his eyes and sleep deeply for the last few hours of the night.

In most respects the eight years since Elizabeth's death had been good. He had friends; both Robin and Brenda had stepped up to help with his kids. Carly had tried to but he was never quite able to let her in again, not knowing that she disliked Elizabeth so much. Eventually she and Jax had gone to live in Australia, and Michael and Morgan had gone with them. Michael was now married with children of his own and working for Jax and Morgan had become a world champion surfer who came to visit occasionally. For Jason the most important thing in his life was that his children were happy and successful. He found comfort and joy in each of his children in different ways. Cameron was now 21 and studying to be a doctor. He was most like Elizabeth in temperament. He could listen to Cam talk for hours and hours while they hiked through the woods on their property. Jake had just graduated High School and was about to go to college. He wanted to study business with a view to joining ELQ. No one had prompted him or coerced him, he'd made the decision on his own to work alongside his father. Jake, according to Monica, was strange mixture of Jason Quartermaine and Jason Morgan. He was the peacemaker of the family extremely sensitive and quiet, compared to his siblings he kept a lot inside. Jason had worried about him the most, but it was with Jake that he cried the most after Elizabeth's death. He was supremely proud of both his sons and he knew Elizabeth would approve of the way he'd raised them.

Then there was Lila Emily Rose, his jewel and his heart. She was now 13 and since the death of her beloved grandpa Edward, who had told her about her his wife Lila, had insisted on being called Lila or Lila rose by everyone but her father who was the only one allowed to use her childhood moniker of Lil Rose. Every day she looked more and more like her mother. When she was born she had been a mini Jake, but her eyes were now deeper blue, her hair was long and curly like her mother's but more golden brown than Jake's. Her face so like her mothers, alternatively broke Jason's heart and nearly burst it again with pride. As young as she was she had become his best friend.

She had tried to set him up with teachers and the single mothers of friends from school to no avail.

"I hate the idea of you being alone dad. What happens when I grow up and go to college?" Lila Rose finally asked one day after Jason had refused yet another blind date she'd set up.

"I'm going with you" he'd replied deadpan.

"Very funny" she'd laughed back at him.

"I'm serious. You will never get rid of me, I'm stuck to you like glue" he smiled then sobered "I finally got smart in my old age" he'd murmured walking to the window to gaze out at the back yard "I wish I'd done that with your mother. I never used to look back, I always lived in the present because I didn't believe in regrets. Now all I do is look back and wonder what if? I wasted so much time away from Elizabeth, eleven long years. If I'd just woken up sooner, stuck to her like glue, I would have no regrets now."

"I don't understand Daddy" she'd replied.

"One day I'll tell you everything. When you are older, then you'll understand how it was with your mother and me."

She'd smiled "Aunty Brenda and Aunty Robin told me you and mom were the greatest love story ever"

Jason rolled his eyes "They would" he'd stated "but they are right. I loved your mother with my whole heart"

"You miss her daddy!" she stated.

"Every second" he'd whispered back.

Today, Jason was going to visit Sonny. Despite being in business with ELQ, he knew Sonny was having cash flow and personnel problems through trying to juggle Mob and legitimate businesses at the same time. Sonny wasn't completely out of the Mob, and never would be. In a strange way, to keep Port Charles safe, Sonny and Jason agreed that Sonny would always have a toe in that Mob pie. But Sonny felt he had a rat in his ranks and Jason had promised to come and talk it through with him. Sonny also knew talking to Jason could give him some insights on how to handle things. Jason always talked sense to Sonny. Jason had promised to be a sounding board.

"Are you going to see Uncle Sonny later?" Lila Rose asked.

"Yeah he needs to talk, but I will be careful" Jason replied. His children knew what Sonny and Jason had been and what Sonny still was. Jason had never lied to his children about his life.

"I know dad. Will you drop me off at Aunt Robin's? I'm going shopping with her and Emma. She's going to help me buy a bra"

Jason frowned. "A BRA? You're too young"

"Daddy" she giggled. "Mommy would have eased you in to the whole bra thing I know. I'm sorry I sprung it on you"

He'd smiled, Lil Rose was the only person he could talk rationally too about Elizabeth. For Cam and Jake their memories were to raw and talking about Elizabeth was always emotional, though he never shied of talking to them when they needed to talk about her.

"Yes she would have" he agreed.

Jason always thought he'd have preternatural instinct or warning when his time was up. He was now 54 years old and maybe that had something to do with the fact that when his death came he was totally surprised. Or maybe it was because he'd been out of the business for so long, either way It didn't register that there were no guards on the door of Sonny's office. He simultaneously knocked, opened the door and called Sonny's name.

In an instant he took in the scene. It seemed to take minutes but was only a fraction of a second. Sonny's lifeless body tied to a chair, gagged and a bullet hole in the center of his forehead.

Two men, rifling through the drawers of his desk and throwing paper around.

One man, standing just to the left of Sonny, pointed his gun at Jason as he entered.

Jason immediately went for his gun, but age and lack of practice over the years had slowed his reflexes. He didn't have a chance to fire a shot. The first bullet went through his neck just under his chin and the second pierced his heart.

He didn't die instantly, as some thought when his body was found. He had time to thank God his children were provided for. To be scared for how his death would affect them and Monica. Then sorry that he had left them all too early.

The last thing to enter his mind as his life ebbed away was her face, her beautiful smiling face and he smiled, whispering her name silently.

"Elizabeth"


	2. Chapter 2

Epilogue

He was dead. He knew it. But death didn't feel like he thought it would. But then he'd never thought much about it until Elizabeth died.

He didn't expect to feel pain.

He didn't expect to hear machines or for the nasty stench of hospital disinfectant to tease his nostrils.

Where ever he was it was too bright, it hurt his eyes, even though they were closed.

Where was Elizabeth? Why wasn't she here to greet him?

He felt restless.

He tried to move, annoyed that death wasn't peaceful. It had to be peaceful. It was only the idea of Elizabeth at peace that had kept him sane all these years. If it wasn't, what was it like for her?

Life without her was bad enough, eternity without her made him want to roar in anger.

Then he felt it, her soft touch. Blessed relief.

Then he heard her soft voice calming him.

He smiled. Well if he could feel her and hear her then the pain was a walk in the park.

"Jason" she soothed "don't fight it. I'm here"

He tried his voice "Elizabeth"

"Yes it's me I'm here"

"Heaven" he sighed again with relief.

He opened his eyes and her beautiful face came in to focus.

"Not babe, it's GH"

"GH is heaven?" he frowned. "I don't care, as long as you are here"

"Jason I'm just going to call the doctor, try to stay calm"

"Doctors?" he mumbled, confused."They have doctors in heaven?" he asked as she stepped away.

"No!" he panicked reaching for her and she took his hand.

"Jason I need to call a doctor you need to be examined"

"Too late! I'm dead and I have you back"

"Jason you aren't dead"

"Elizabeth we had 6 wonderful years together and you got sick and died and then I had to live another 8 years without you. I'm sorry, so sorry you trusted me to be there for the kids and I let you down. I swear I didn't do it on purpose"

"Jason, Jake is fine"

"What about Cam and Lila?"

"Cam is fine too, but your grandmother died years ago"

"No not Grandmother, our daughter Lil Rose. She's beautiful and my best friend"

"Jason how old are you?"

"I'm 52"

"OH Jason! I don't know what's going on in that head of yours but you are not 52. You've been very sick, in a coma for nine weeks."

"Elizabeth?" he asked puzzled, pain gripping his head.

"Jason I'm getting a doctor"

Later

Elizabeth checked Jason's vitals and looked up as the door to the room opened and a concerned Monica entered.

"I was in surgery. He woke up?" Monica gasped haltingly "Finally! I was beginning to think it was permanent"

"He woke up about an hour ago. Did they tell you anything?" Elizabeth spoke quietly.

"Nothing, just that he'd woken up and you were here." Monica sighed sitting on the other side of the bed and taking Jason's hand.

"Monica it was so weird. He woke up convinced he and I were both dead, that he was 52 years old. He said we had been together and had a daughter. He thought this" Elizabeth gestured around her "was heaven. It seems the whole time he's been in a coma he's been dreaming of a life that doesn't exist".

"Jason doesn't dream" Monica offered weakly. Looking up she turned confused eyes to Elizabeth, "he thought you were both dead?" Monica gasped.

"Yeah! It wasn't until Patrick and Robin came in to the room that he believed things weren't the way he thought" she paused "he'll wake up soon and want answers. How do I handle it? Do I tell him the truth first or let him tell me what he thinks is true?"

"Ask Patrick in case it's related to the coma and brain injury" Monica moved to stand only to have Jason's hand tighten around hers.

"Mom" he whispered and opened his eyes.

"I'm here" she responded leaning closer.

"I'm sorry" he looked at her.

"What for?"

"For being a lousy excuse for a son," Jason told her as he saw the tears glistening in his mothers eyes "I'm going to do better."

"We'll both do better" she assured him.

"Tell Edward to come. I want to see him" Jason asked and Monica and Elizabeth's heads both snapped up to stare at Jason.

"The last 16years" he started "it's so confusing. It seems so real. But there is some of it...I don't want it to be real, so I have to do better".

Patrick and Robin came in to the room as Monica left.

"You need some tests Jason, we want a brain scan. You are in for a long road ahead, physical therapy. There is more than likely some muscle wastage even with the exercising Elizabeth did on your legs and arms"

"Whatever it takes," Jason replied. "Will you be here when I get back?" he asked Elizabeth as Patrick and Robin started to move his bed to the door.

"I'm coming with you. No orderly's for Jason Morgan he has two doctors and a nurse to escort him."

After Jason's tests were completed and Patrick and Robin had been able to confer over the results, they were able to report good news to Elizabeth. It seemed the swelling was reduced considerably and that Jason would more than likely have no permanent damage.

They then discussed how best to deal with reality and what Jason believed had happened while in the coma. All agreed that Elizabeth should tell him the truth about how his coma came about and what had happened since. They hoped it would reassure him and help him to open up about what his own "reality" was during the coma. Jason wasn't able to walk more than a few steps so Elizabeth had taken him to the roof of the hospital in a wheelchair so they could talk and not be interrupted. Once on the roof he'd pulled her into his lap and they talked. When Elizabeth related few facts Jason had easily accepted that his version of reality was some coma induced dream. He wanted to tell Elizabeth everything but first he'd insisted she told him what actually happened.

"Well firstly yes Michael and Kristina did run away and you and Sam did go to Mexico looking for them. You did get in to a shoot out with Jerry and the balcony did fall on you. But Sam did not save you. Jerry called Jax and left some cryptic message that had both he and Carly concerned about you. Jax contacted Sonny and he sent Max and Milo down to Mexico to find you. In the mean time Michael and Kristina found you and called Sonny in a panic. Sam was acting weird and didn't want them to call him. Either way, Max and Milo were able to bring all of you home. But when they got to you Jason you were nearly dead. Sam and Jerry have both disappeared. When you got here the brain swelling was massive, and you had a couple of operations. There was an initial operation to relieve some brain swelling and stabilize you, so that they could operate and remove the two bullets you had inside you. Then they found a brain bleed so there was an operation to fix that. Once the bleed was fixed they operated again to relieve pressure that had built up again and then they put you in an induced coma while your brain healed hoping your brain would stop swelling, which it did finally. But then you didn't come out of it when you should have and we all feared the worst." Elizabeth told him.

"That's it? Nothing else has happened?" he asked

"Isn't that enough? Nine weeks of hell for me and the other people who love you Jason." She reminded him. "Why don't you tell me what you need to get straight?"

"Claudia she's not dead? Michael didn't kill her when she tried to take Josselyn?"

"Claudia and Sonny are getting a divorce. Johnny made her go back to Italy. She's under her Uncle Rudy's protection. She was responsible for Michaels shooting"

Jason nodded and Elizabeth continued "Who is Josselyn?"

"Carly and Jax daughter" Jason replied.

"She isn't born yet Jason and the rumor is she is going to name her Jacinta after you" Elizabeth smiled.

"GOD! She is annoying even in a coma. I'll have to tell her I don't want her kid named after me" Jason shuddered.

"Rebecca? she was trying to steal from the Q's. She came to town with Luke's son Ethan" Jason asked.

"They know each other but she isn't the con woman I thought she was. She and Nikolas have grown very close and yes she and Emily were twins" Elizabeth confirmed.

"Are you okay with that?" he asked tentatively.

"Of course! Why?"

"Because in my world you hated her and were jealous of her. You had an affair with Nikolas while engaged to Lucky. There was a baby too, Aiden. You thought at first he was Nikolas's, but he was Lucky's. A man named Franco stole him and gave you another baby. Your son with Lucky died and we had to give the one you were raising with me up to his biological parents'

"Jason that is insane. I'd NEVER sleep with Nikolas and I'm not engaged to Lucky" she shuddered in disgust.

"Thank GOD" mumbled Jason.

"Wait who is Franco?" she asked.

"A crazy man who was obsessed with me and came after me" Jason replied thankful that Franco did not really exist. "So no you and Nik? And no Lucky?" he asked wanting to hear her say no again.

"Nik was my brother in law, my friend for years and Emily, my BEST FRIEND'S soulmate. Just ewwwwwwww Jason I would NEVER go there" Elizabeth reassured him. "Wow in your world I was horrible"

"No you were perfect, until you died and left me for eight years" he pulled her close pulling her face down to kiss her. "Just like you are now. I'm sorry I've been asleep for so long and worried you. I'm surprised Carly let you near me"

"Ahh Jason life has been a roller coaster since you've been in a coma. In fact thanks to you everyone knows about us and that you are Jakes daddy. You claimed him without uttering a word. You were in a coma so your will and a codicil were read out by Diane. You named me, Jake and Cameron your sole beneficiaries. Carly was so pissed."

"I remember that will. Are you angry?" ignoring the topic of Carly.

"No I always wanted you to claim us" she smiled "So tell me what have you been dreaming for nine weeks?"

"After the balcony collapsed on me everything was different for me. Sam was with me. She saved me and I slept with her thinking it was 2005 and I was dying. Then I felt obligated to stay with her. Then it was just convenient and a way not to be tempted to go to you." He explained.

"Do you think subconsciously you really want Sam back? Is that why you dreamed that way?" Elizabeth asked hurt clouding her eyes. He grabbed for her hand.

"NO. NEVER. I was miserable. I was only happy with you" he told her. He frowned.

"Wait so Jake wasn't injured at the carnival? Dante Falconieri is not an undercover cop?"

"Jason I don't know who that is and Jake is fine"

"We can't waste this Elizabeth. The last 8 years of my life as I've known it, I lived with the constant regret that we weren't together sooner. You made me happier than I've ever been in my life. I don't want to go back to the way it was"

"I don't either" she smiled leaning closer.

"Then please will you marry me as soon as possible, let me adopt Cam?"

"Yes Jason if marriage and adopting Cam is what you want, then I say yes."

"As soon as Diane can arrange it? Even if I'm still in hospital?" he asked.

"Tomorrow, in my Scrubs and your hospital gown if we can arrange it" she lent forward and pressed her lips to his. He groaned pulling her closer, deepening the kiss. Finally he lifted his head.

"Actually, I know this is going to sound weird but I want to do a DNA test with Cam, see if he is mine too" he looked her in the eye.

"Jason you know that is not possible" she murmured.

"Look all I know is we don't really know what happened that night after the chapel. We had a few drinks and we woke up together. There had been touching and kissing, we both know it, it's why we were both so weird around Courtney the next day and why neither of us could say exactly where we had been or what we'd been doing" he pointed out.

"I think we'd both known if we'd slept together Jason"

"The night at the Penthouse felt right Elizabeth, it wasn't awkward, it didn't feel like the first time for us. I've always thought more happened that night Emily almost died, but I knew you didn't want to talk about it" he replied "Think about it, can you really say it didn't? Cam could be mine and I wouldn't have to adopt him"

"You know I couldn't bare to think that it had happened, especially when I went looking for you and finally found you at the Penthouse with Courtney. You looked kind of guilty, yet acted like we hadn't even seen each other and I didn't want to think what that meant." She confessed "I want to do that test too. We could ask Monica, she's been great after a very shakey start when that codicil was first read"

"Good we'll ask Monica" he tugged her down towards him and kissed her briefly "You know I did feel guilty that morning. Not because if what I thought we'd done, but because I thought you regretted it."

"I think Jason you and I have always got it wrong where our feelings are concerned. I always thought I was never enough for you" she confessed.

"and I always thought I wasn't good enough for you" he confessed.

"Never thing that again Jason you are everything to me" Elizabeth assured him.

"YOU are the only one for me Elizabeth. It's always been you, will always be you" Jason kissed her again. Then sat back.

"Lila" he started, looking deeply in to her eyes.

"Not your grandmother right? This little girl we had together in your dream?" she asked.

"Yes! She was perfect Elizabeth, our little girl" he told her.

"I'd love that Jason" she smiled her eyes filling with happy tears "and we'll keep trying until we get her"

"Elizabeth in my coma dream for two years I was miserable and just existing without you, then we were together and for six beautiful years we had the perfect family and the best life. A life I never deserved but want so badly to have again. Cam, Jake and Lil Rose" he punctuated each name with a kiss "but the most perfect part was you as my wife"

"I want that too"

"I'm going to build you the same house. Wait until you see it" Jason told her excited.

"Is it the one from your dream?" she asked

"Yes" he smiled.

"Sounds perfect Jason"

And it was.


End file.
